So, I posted Tuesday about chemo and all that fun. Wednesday, I actually found myself at the doctor. You see, I've been getting excruciating headaches... They swoop in and hang out for 4-5 days. Lately they've been getting worse and more frequent. So, I finally listened and went to get it checked out. Well, I've got a couple new prescriptions... A new one to try to prevent, and an amped up Vicodin ~ as the regular Vicodin wasn't helping take the edge off the headaches at all. We'll try this for a while and see if it helps. If not, I bump up the pain meds to Percoset. In the meantime, I have to have a CT scan. It'll be Wednesday. Now, I really, sincerely think the headaches are from stress. I can't imagine anything else being the cause. But this freaks me out in a major way. Seriously... I panic at times wondering the "what-ifs"... What if it is something more? I have a friend with a brain tumor who get debilitating headaches. Just enough to make me worry... I try to keep it in check. No need to worry til you know, right? Won't do a bit of good!
So, the week continues... Thursday night, I get a call from the counselor at school about Luke. He's been seeing the counselor for a while now. At first, he went with Jessica. He wasn't comfortable going alone. Then last year, Jess went on to middle school. Luke was back to going alone. He really didn't like it. He had a wonderful teacher who gave up her prep to go to the counselor with Luke. She provided that comfort and security he needed. A new year, and Luke's back on his own. He hasn't met with the counselor very often, and certainly hasn't sought out meeting with the counselor.
Thursday morning Luke went to his teacher and told her he needed to talk with the counselor, Miss J. He went on to say it needed to be today. Miss J and Luke's teacher realized the significance of this and Miss J met with him right away. She said Luke had a meltdown in her office. He cried. She cried. Very emotional. She said Luke's having a hard time with everything, and she needed a little more infomation. She said Luke's a bright boy and has been making some connections. She needed to know if he's making the right connections. I explained how Luke knows the numbers are up. I also explained how sick Forrest has been this week. I could easily see him connecting the two, instead of realizing the sickness was from chemo. We talked for a while. I cried the whole time. One of Luke's major worries ~ He doesn't want Daddy to die. :( It absolutely breaks my heart! :( He also feels Dad shouldn't be working. I'm sure he sees how exhausted Forrest is after working. He resents the time Forrest is away, and the time he spends in bed after working. :(
I appreciate how supportive the school is being. The counselor and Luke's teacher agree that right now, time spent with Dad is more important than school time. Luke's a good student, and can make up any work he misses. If Forrest and I would like, we can work out to have Luke go to school late, or get out a little early to spend some quality time with Forrest. Afternoons would probably work better. Ben would be at school and it would just be the two of them. If we let them know which days Luke will be leaving early, they can send work along with him. If Forrest and Luke feel like doing it, they can. If not, no big deal. The time they spend together is what's important. It's something that will be treasured later on. It means a lot to me that they support the needs of our family! :)
The pain reflected in my children's eyes is devastating to me. It eats away at me! I want, more than anything, to take their pain away! I wish I could. In the meantime, we'll continue to support them in every way possible. We continue to keep the lines of communication open. We continue to show them we love them each and every day.
Finally, my week ended lying in bed with my husband... Talking. As much as I need to vent, Forrest does too. He doesn't take that opportunity very often, but he needs it! He said he doesn't think he has much time left. He's hoping for one more summer. Just one more. Then he goes on to say that would work out well. One more summer, then he can die in October. If he dies the same month he was born, he hopes people will think more of his birthday than his death. A sobering conversation to say the least. :(
I hate to think of so little time left. But, I also hate to think of how much pain Forrest is in. He is miserable so much of the time. I've told him I think he should stop the chemo. It's makes him so very sick. And, we also can't afford for him to be off work. :(
So, it's been a long week. I guess that goes with the territory, right? For now, there's peace in the house... We keep moving forward... :)
Julie, you are in my heart and mind all of the time.
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