Hey Bugs!
It's been a while since we've had a chance to chat! Not that I don't care, rather, there's always too much going on. I hope you understand and forgive me for not keeping in touch!
Forgive me, again, for speaking my mind freely and openly... I'll never pretend that I think there's a God. I know that Forrest wishes I had a stronger faith. I think it would give him peace of mind, knowing he's dying. But, if there really is a God, why would he put people through the things he does? People always say, "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger." What a bunch of bull! What if it does kill you??? And how about the other favorite people tell me. "God never gives you more than you can handle." Bullshit. If that were true, there wouldn't be suicide.
Which brings me to my point. It hurts me in a very personal way to think you'd consider ending your life. Forrest would give anything in the world for more time, and you're willing to throw it away so carelessly. It pisses me off, honestly. It makes me cry. I wish Forrest could have the life you're willing to throw away. I don't care about God and the repercussions of suicide. That's not what this is about. If you can, have a little respect for someone I thought you liked. Don't think about killing yourself. Re-direct and re-focus your energy. Killing yourself may seem like the easy way out. Perhaps you think no one cares anyway. Again, BULLSHIT!! I love you Ryan. Forrest does too. And, frankly, I'll be PISSED if you choose to take your life.
I realize you have a lot going on. I realize things look hopeless. I realize you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. We all have these feelings. Every single person feels this from time to time. I've been living a nightmare for the last 5 years. I struggle to make it through the days, and I can't sleep at night. I'm haunted by the images of someone I love being very sick. I'm terrified of raising 3 children alone. I worry the kids won't remember their Daddy, and I worry that seeing their Daddy die may permanently wound every fiber of their being. And, I'm the one who has to be here to try to pick the pieces up and keep going. I don't look forward to it, to say the least.
Ryan, I'm rambling on. I guess, if I leave you with nothing else, know I love you. I love you very much!! I have the sweetest memories of you growing up. I feel more like you're my little brother than my cousin. I haven't done a very good job keeping in touch, but that doesn't change the fact that I care and always have. I'd do whatever I could to help you out. One other thing I want you to know is that things will change. It's inevitable. You have to make a choice. You have to choose every day to find the good around you. You have to make the choice, again and again, to keep moving forward. Some days are harder than others, but you have to find it within you to keep going. Now, it's better if you do it for yourself. But, if you have to, start by doing it for Forrest and I. Try. Keep moving forward and trying to find the positives in life. Show Forrest the friendship you have means enough for you to give life another chance. Please.
Love,
Your older (and wiser! haha) sis,
Julie
It's been a while since we've had a chance to chat! Not that I don't care, rather, there's always too much going on. I hope you understand and forgive me for not keeping in touch!
Forgive me, again, for speaking my mind freely and openly... I'll never pretend that I think there's a God. I know that Forrest wishes I had a stronger faith. I think it would give him peace of mind, knowing he's dying. But, if there really is a God, why would he put people through the things he does? People always say, "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger." What a bunch of bull! What if it does kill you??? And how about the other favorite people tell me. "God never gives you more than you can handle." Bullshit. If that were true, there wouldn't be suicide.
Which brings me to my point. It hurts me in a very personal way to think you'd consider ending your life. Forrest would give anything in the world for more time, and you're willing to throw it away so carelessly. It pisses me off, honestly. It makes me cry. I wish Forrest could have the life you're willing to throw away. I don't care about God and the repercussions of suicide. That's not what this is about. If you can, have a little respect for someone I thought you liked. Don't think about killing yourself. Re-direct and re-focus your energy. Killing yourself may seem like the easy way out. Perhaps you think no one cares anyway. Again, BULLSHIT!! I love you Ryan. Forrest does too. And, frankly, I'll be PISSED if you choose to take your life.
I realize you have a lot going on. I realize things look hopeless. I realize you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. We all have these feelings. Every single person feels this from time to time. I've been living a nightmare for the last 5 years. I struggle to make it through the days, and I can't sleep at night. I'm haunted by the images of someone I love being very sick. I'm terrified of raising 3 children alone. I worry the kids won't remember their Daddy, and I worry that seeing their Daddy die may permanently wound every fiber of their being. And, I'm the one who has to be here to try to pick the pieces up and keep going. I don't look forward to it, to say the least.
Ryan, I'm rambling on. I guess, if I leave you with nothing else, know I love you. I love you very much!! I have the sweetest memories of you growing up. I feel more like you're my little brother than my cousin. I haven't done a very good job keeping in touch, but that doesn't change the fact that I care and always have. I'd do whatever I could to help you out. One other thing I want you to know is that things will change. It's inevitable. You have to make a choice. You have to choose every day to find the good around you. You have to make the choice, again and again, to keep moving forward. Some days are harder than others, but you have to find it within you to keep going. Now, it's better if you do it for yourself. But, if you have to, start by doing it for Forrest and I. Try. Keep moving forward and trying to find the positives in life. Show Forrest the friendship you have means enough for you to give life another chance. Please.
Love,
Your older (and wiser! haha) sis,
Julie
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteI thought that your message was very thought provoking and I'm hoping, sincerely, that he 'hears' you.
Suicide is the 'easy' way out but sometimes people just can't see the way forward or find the strength to go down the 'hard' route.
I hope your cousin *can* find that inner strength and that your message will help to put him back on the right path.
Much luv, Carole xxx