Phooey!

From fabulous to miserable.  Seems to be about par for the course, right?  I've been miserable since last night.  :(  Headaches are not uncommon for me.  I've always dealt with headaches and migraines.  Over the past five years, they've stepped up their game a bit.  Go figure.  I find that it's not longer if I have a headache, just how bad is that headache at any given moment.  Lately, I've been getting lovely little clusters of them.  They sweep in, incredibly intense, and hand around for about 4 days before finally letting up a bit. 

This one started last night.  I had hoped the headache was intensifying because I hadn't really eaten much during the day.  Today's misery proves that wasn't the case.  :(  I hate to take so many pills, but today I'm so very willing, in hope there may be some relief.  Guess I need to step up my game and do a better job at handling stress! 

Poor Forrest for having to deal with me.  I should be taking care of him, and yet he's been taking care of me trying to help in any way he can.  I'm a lucky woman!  :)  Hopefully this stretch passes quickly and the next cluster holds off a bit! 

Have a great night and a wonderful week!  :)

What a rewarding day!

It was a good one!  :)  Makes me smile as I think of the day.  It started off snuggling with Benjamin this morning.  (No work today!)  All day long, he insisted that he loved me more!  Whether he spread his arms wide to show me how much, or if he declared that he loved me from the Earth, to the moon, to the planets, all the way back to Earth!  I basked in his devotion and insisted that I loved him more!  Benjamin insisted I could only love him the same...  :)

Then, I had the opportunity to watch my beautiful daughter perform in a musical in front of her classmates.  I had conferences for Ben and Luke tonight, so I wouldn't be able to see her tonight.  I wanted to be sure to see the day-time performance.  She did such a wonderful job!  She's very natural on stage, and seems to enjoy herself!  :)  She didn't have as big a role as she would have liked, but she rocked in all she did!  :)  I snuck out at the end of the performance to grab the boys from school.  Jess got home about the same time we did.  She was puttering around, making sure she was ready for the evening performance.  She was still all "made up" when she came up to me.  She said, "Everyone says I look just like you when I look like this."  I laughed and said who's everyone?  She said all her friends told her that!  I laughed and told her she was beautiful.  A bit later she was watching me put on some eyeliner.  I peeked over and said I was sorry she was doomed to look like her mother!  I mean, who wants to think they look like their mom, right??  She looked completely shocked, and told me she thought she had never looked better in her life.  Makes my heart smile.  She's such a sweetheart!  :)

After a bit of scrambling, Jess got to school to get ready for her evening performance.  I grabbed the boys and headed to the elementary school for their conferences.  I was happy to hear what a wonderful job Benny is doing in pre-school!  Although he acted shy during the conference, his teacher assured me he does wonderful in class, and is a natural leader.  :)  We headed upstairs to Luke's conference.  We waited in the hall, only to find his teacher was running late.  Shoot!  I had hoped to catch some of Jessica's performance tonight!  As the teacher popped out to welcome the next set of parents, she apologized she was so late.  I told her it was no problem.  She asked if we were going to be late for anything.  I told her it was no big deal.  I tried to assure her it was all fine, but when she heard Jessica was in the musical and it had just started, she said Luke is a wonderful young man, and we could reschedule his conference.  Now, as a teacher, I hate to make someone do that!  She refused to take no for an answer, and suggested we meet tomorrow after school.  Yay!  I will still be able to meet with Luke's teacher, and I'll get to see Jess again!  What a wonderful surprise!  :)

The only downside to my day, was that Forrest was stuck at work and wasn't able to share it with me.  But, he is off tomorrow and off for the weekend!  :)  Looking forward to it!!  :)

Did I ever mention cancer sucks?

It does, it really does.  At this point in my cancer-related journey, I'm faced with conversations I don't want to have.  Thinking thoughts I don't want to think.  Saying things I don't want to say.  :(  It is extremely wearing.  I suppose on some scale, it's good that we've had the chance to say the things we need to say to each other.  But living in the moment can be very difficult. 

Sitting at the table, having lunch with Forrest...  Forrest mentions he really wishes there were some way I could go to school for nursing.  Frankly, there's no possible way I could go to school full time.  We'd never be able to afford it.  I couldn't afford not to work full time.  I also wouldn't be able to work full time, go to school full time, and manage the household.  I have a hard enough time managing the household now.  I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like adding the stress of going back to school. 

As I shrugged it off, Forrest casually mentioned maybe I'll be able to after he passes.  :(  I hate this train of thought, and yet it's something I consider more often than I'd like to.  I've also mentioned when Forrest passes, I may also be able to finally move south.  With the insurance on the house, it'll be paid off.  That would allow me to sell the house and move with a little money for a fresh start. 

It's difficult to consider what I'll be faced with after Forrest is gone, but it's also difficult not to allow those thoughts in my head.  In the long run, it's good that I know Forrest wants me to remarry someday.  (Although I have absolutely no intention of doing so, it's nice to know I'd have his blessing if I considered it.)  It's good that we are able to talk about what he'd want, or wouldn't want at his funeral.  It's good to know that we've talked about many of the little thoughts and worries I'll be faced with someday.  It's just frustrating to be in a place to be thinking of these things.  Oh well...  Keep moving forwarad, right?

And in the meantime, I'll enjoy what I have, and be thankful that I have so very much!  :)

This pic was taken in Oct. 2010, in Florida.  Our family had an opportunity to take a family vacation, thanks to the amazing people at the Dream Foundation!  :) 

What do you mean no snow day??

Last night, the storm settled in...  It rained, snowed, sleeted...  Wind whipped around, and ice pellets slammed into the windows.  As the temperatures dropped, everything glazed over and iced up.  Surprisingly, lightning bolts ripped through the blackened sky, and thunder roared as we put the kids to bed.  It was a crazy snowy, stormy evening...

Morning came, and my alarm went off.  Much to my dismay, there was no phone call in the morning.  No cancellation, no delay.  :(  Total bummer!  I figured I'd better not press snooze, as the roads were likely going to be bad.  :(  As I went out the Jeep, I looked out at the white blizzardy blanket with hope and frustration...  The plows went through.  Good that the roads would be better, but I still had to get through the end of my driveway.  I hopped in the Jeep and as I crept out of the garage, I looked to see  if there were any cars.  There were no cars on the street, on either side.  I figured if I went fast enough, I'd be able to plow through.  So, that's what I did!  No such luck...  I just ended up stuck at the end of my driveway.  I couldn't go forward or back.  :( 

I grabbed a shovel and cleared a path for my tires.  I walked back up to the garage to put the shovel away.  On my way back to the Jeep, I saw a snow plow...  coming full speed... right toward my driveway...  I cringed and tried not to yell at the plow guy for doing his job...  I think I could have kissed the man when he stopped at my neighbors driveway and lifted his plow.  He waved his hands and let me go through before plowing me back in the driveway!  What a wonderful man!

After an exhausting drive, I made it to work.  As the day progressed, the conditions in Oshkosh deteriorated quite at bit.  I left right after school.  Several colleagues had the same idea as me.  I scraped my windows and the cars beside and behind me.  I was about to hop in and drive away, when another teacher realized she was stuck and couldn't get out!  A few teachers were out by now, and another car was stuck as well.  We all worked together to push the cars in motion.  Snow sprayed everywhere, my feet were freezing, and my gloves were soaked!  But we were able to get both cars out!!!  Yay!!!  Luckily, the Jeep was able to maneuver through the snow without getting stuck!  :) 

I eventually made it hope to greet my 3 smiling children.  All in pajamas.  They had a snow day!!  So not fair!  Lol!  :)

All I can do now is think Spring, and wish I were living in a warmer state!!!  :)

The snowy view from my backyard...  :)

And I was so hopeful...

Another day in wintery Wisconsin.  From rain, to snow, to ice pellets raining down.  I really wish it warm up...  I despise the cold...  :(  Makes me feel crabby and icky... 

Along with the cold, comes the sickness.  Ben was in last week with strep.  Over the weekend, Jessica and Luke had sore throats and fevers...  A quick call and they're now being treated as well.  Did I ever mention I hate meds?  But, at least we got our 10 for $10!  Haha!  (For every 10 prescriptions we get a $10 off coupon.)  I think we get enough prescriptions to get a coupon each month.  :( 

I yearn for a time when the pharmacists will not know me by name, and I only stop in there occasionally for a random illness.  Perhaps someday... 

Frustrations...

Ugh!  One of those days.  You know how it is...  You find yourself snipping at the one you love, with no intention of doing so...  Now, I linger in the aftermath....  :(

I envy those who don't keep scorecards as part of their relationship.  I never thought we had, but I was called out on it very early this morning.  As it turns out, I'm significantly behind in the scoring.  I guess that's to be expected.  If I didn't realize there was a problem, it's difficult to fix it.  And, if I was the one being negligent, I guess it stands to reason I wouldn't have been noticing just how far behind I was.  Yick, yack, yuck!  I hate this! 

I'll try to be positive about it...  Just a breaking point between two people who are under a very extreme amount of stress.  Maybe it's the full moon's fault!  :)  Eh, it's my own fault...  Now I just have to pick up the pieces. 

It's the little things...

I laughed...  a deep, sincere laugh today...  It felt wonderful! 

The cause?  My five year old innocently tells his older brother, "I didn't slap you!  I high-fived your face!"  Not original to Ben, but perfectly time and executed!  Priceless!  :)