Do I have a fever?

I must have a fever and be out of my mind.  There can't possibly be any other excuse!  Lately, my mind has been plagued with an obsessive idea.  I want to have another baby.  More specifically, I want to have another baby with Forrest. 

At this point, I should illustrate what a terrible idea this is.  Forrest and I can hardly make ends meet.  Between normal expenses, and day to day crisis, we are barely scraping by.  In fact there are many times when we are not even scraping, but are completely in over our heads.  Add in the medical expenses we have, and we are really hurting.  The debt continues to grow out of control...  Not a good place to consider adding another mouth to feed, another body to clothe, and more feet to cover. 

I also have the realilty that it will be one more person that I will have to raise on my own, all by myself.  Three children will be incredibly challenging.  But with each passing year, I assure myself the kids are a little older.  They'll cope a little better.  They'll have a few more memories.  Etc. 

At this point, I'm not honestly sure Forrest could even have another child if he wanted to.  With all his body has been through, I fully expect that he's sterile.  However, that doesn't keep my mind from wondering and wanting.  And my biggest reason?  I want one more piece of Forrest to be able to hold on to.  That's the big and little of it.  I just want one more piece of him left behind.  One more connection to him.  One more chance to see his blue eyes.  Or to see the expressions he makes.  Or to see his little smile.  One more chance to have that quirky pointed ear.  I want to have one more chance to see each and all of these things through my children. 

I must be crazy, right?  :)